Redefining Masculinity
I find it funny when I come across fellow men and women
telling others how to be a “real man” or a “real woman”, as if the current
gender that we’re having at the moment is somehow fake or unreal. In this age
of social media where all these self-proclaimed gurus are evolving and taking
over the internet space, especially blabbering some random illogical stuff
about how simply being disrespectful, is a trait of an alpha or sigma male, I
like to believe in this analogy, Alpha is the first letter of Greek alphabets
and it is used to represent something which is very primitive and undeveloped
in the fields of Science and Technology. Many philosophers have said that
grace, respect, kindness and compassion these are very sophisticated traits,
which only evolved humans are capable of possessing, so may be… these men who
relate with the alpha and sigma ideals, are actually quite unevolved, better
put, maybe they actually are still, in the alpha stage of evolution.
People simply projecting their toxic traits in their speeches,
with high admiration and pride, when in reality they are very hurt and afraid
that they may not be liked by others and so they present their toxicity in such
a way that these unpleasant manners start seeming pleasant to at least some
people. And of course, out of billions, there are a few thousands who also
share similar toxicity and encourage the same behaviour to be acceptable. But
shit is shit, one may wrap it up with diamonds, it still remains gross. These
people who promote condescending behaviours as bravery and courage, they are
actually cowards, as they are scared to introspect and heal themselves, their
trauma. They choose to hurt others and try to persuade others to believe they
are right, like a child trying to explain their parents the reason for stealing
a candy.
Being human, being just the way you are, being kind,
empathetic, understanding, tolerant, polite, brave, calm, educated these are
the traits which every human being should try to exhibit.
Your masculinity is
very much just you. Not matching certain standards whether good or toxic, it
does not take away even the least bit from you being a man, it does not in any
way, harms your masculinity. You are not a product that has to match certain
parameters to be called a product of quality. You are a human; you are enough
however you are. Yes, self-improvement is important, but what does
self-improvement mean? It means bettering whatever good we already have and
identifying and getting rid of our toxic traits. Now, what are toxic traits?
How to identify them? Behaviours, thought patterns that hurt others or hurt
yourself by yourself, are your toxic traits. Behaviours that are demeaning to
others, thoughts that make you look down on others, these are broadly the two
things which all of us must remove from our systems. Removing these will
automatically make us down to earth, humble and understanding. Whenever you
find yourself questioning your actions, always and always make the first
approach to be in the other person’s shoes. How would you have felt if you were
this person and somebody else did the same thing to you? Ask this question
without any prejudices and stereotypes, don’t associate gender, strength and
other factors to make this question inclined towards your favoured answer. Rather
keep it honest, if you’d start lying to yourself, who else in the world do you
think would be honest to you? Unbiased empathy is the key to human progress.
Had the world been just a little understanding and empathetic, so many lives
could’ve been saved, so many wars could’ve been stopped and so many people
living in poverty, facing food and water crisis which are literally the most
basic human needs, they would’ve been uplifted long-long ago. But since the
oldest times, who is responsible for carrying out the greatest number of wars
in history? Who is responsible for destroying countries and societies and
many-many indigenous cultures? Men. Those men who believed wars, were cool and
masculine, those men who were always on high alert and defensive, who were
always taught to be protectors, who never laid back, never relaxed enough to
realise there never was any threat which needed defence. Who believed men were
made to be wild since they were hunters. Who never wanted to let girls flourish
as they felt threatened by their achievements. Those men were never protectors,
they were the destroyers. You tell me, would you ever feel safe and protected
in the vicinity of someone outrageous? Such a man can never ever be reliable,
dependable and acceptable. People would be scared of him; they would never
trust him and as a result he will be alienated consequently or will be seen as
a tyrant. Now tell me, do you want your loved ones to see you as some kind of
danger and be scared of you? Or do you want them to be comfortable enough to
find you in their times of need? If your answer is the latter, then honey, you
do identify these fake Alpha and Sigma male ideals. You can see how toxic are
the highly spread ideals of Alpha, Sigma males. Examples of famous ancient men are
used as models of Alpha and Sigma Masculinity. But how many of these men were
murderers, frauds, rapists, oppressors and what not. What is history other than
the winner’s side of story?
Another important factor is, these gurus especially tell you
to never follow someone else’s lead or orders, rather forge your own path,
stand out of the crowd by doing things differently and always follow your own
wish and being dominant. How come they go around preaching and telling people “What
to do” and assume their advices will be followed by these aspiring Alpha and
Sigma males? I’m sorry if I laugh, but what a stupid hypocrisy! Had these people
followed their teachers’ lectures in school, they would’ve had a real job today
and won’t need to spread such stupidity online. But alas! turns out they didn’t
have the brain capacity to do such basic things.
Your masculinity is however you define it. The power lies in
your hands and actions and beliefs. Rejecting these fake Alpha and Sigma ideals
and standards is the first step towards realising your power. Hiding behind
your pride in expressing your toxic traits is cowardice, rather identifying
them, acknowledging them and improving yourself, this is strength. Find your
strength, be strong enough to be compassionate towards everyone, strong enough
to forgive, strong enough to walk the path of self-healing. Today, start
redefining your masculinity, be wholesome, soft, like a home for the people you
love, so they can depend upon you and not be scared of you. Of course, don’t be
a people pleaser, but be a genuinely caring person, who can actually be a
protector, a safe haven for others. Who not only provides materialistic
security but also mental and emotional safety as well. Respect others. Identify
and step out of social prejudices, stereotypes and stigmas, and do forge your
own path driven by kindness and empathy, free of any rudimentary perceptions.
Rebuild yourself and your perspectives from scratch if needed. Don’t be scared
of change, don’t be scared of looking within and especially do not hate
yourself or anyone else for anything. Do not blame yourself or anyone, rather
take responsibility. Blame and responsibility are two different things. Blame
is a way of escaping the alternative of correction, whereas responsibility is
ensuring that things definitely are going to be right, if not by one way, then
maybe by the other. Be responsible. Don’t try to fit in labelled boxes of
societal-categories. Be you. Be the best possible version of you and always try
to become even better.
This mere realisation, that you are free to be whoever,
whatever and however you want to be, this is strength. The strength of
authenticity. Trying to fit in a description given by someone else, is a
limitation, but defining your own self, realising that your self-worth does not
depend on certain toxic ideals, that you are appreciated, accepted and desired
just the way you are and there is always room for improvement, you can choose
to be better and better every single day. This is your authentic strength. So,
find your strength, find your stable ground and stand on your own feet, look
into your eyes and decide to embark on this journey of self-healing and
self-improvement.
It takes a lot of courage to show the world the real you.
Different, raw, maybe flawed but improving. It takes a lot of courage to expose
your authenticity to the world, since then your most innate persona becomes a
subject of criticism, judgement and comparison. But still putting forth your
raw self, is strength, whereas hiding behind some set ideals, be it good or
bad, is cowardice.
You can be whoever you want to be. You are already enough
just the way you are. Reject the toxic societal standards, redefine yourself,
redefine your masculinity and unleash your authentic strength. I am here with
you, supporting and cheering, and so are your loved ones. Hope you heal and
become the best version of you. Hope you realise your masculinity is not a set
of standards defined by someone else, but rather your own decisions, actions and
beliefs define your masculinity.
💖🌻
ReplyDeleteWhat's wid ur name eww!
DeleteBeautifully articulated. 🫶🏼🌸
ReplyDeleteSuper
ReplyDelete